How Are You Inspiring To Others?
Well, Spring is in full gear.
The flowers are seducing the bees. The deer are romping in the woods near my house above the Pacific.
So, I’m asking you… what are YOU doing to improve your social and sexual life? Are you static? Are you saying the things you’ve always said? Parroting what seems to work for other kinds of men? Are you stuck in habits of the familiar simply because you they are familiar? And aching to break out into a new phase of your life, but you don’t know how? The key question as always — are you evolving?
My personal and professional theme for 2009 has been evolution. Not the kind with feathers and differentiated beaks, but the kind that has you, as a man who may be part of my community, develop a stronger spine, a deeper heart and a more expansive, uniquely individual purpose.
If you are interested in attracting a quality partner, you’ve got to ask yourself: what makes you a more integral and powerful man? How are you an INSPIRATION to women — not because of what you demonstrate to them, but because of who you authentically are.
There is no point in being part of my learning community if you are not going to grow into being a more resonant, magnetic presence and a more purposeful, admirable man among men. Because ultimately, women want to ADMIRE you. More that that, they NEED to admire you if they are not going to find you boring, narcissistic and uninspired, sooner or later.
So let me ask you something...
What are women going to admire you for? For what aspects of your life do they admire you now? I’m reading a great book called “Igniting Inspiration,” right now by an author (and new friend) named John Marshall Roberts.
His book is about effective communication and how to INSPIRE different types of people, specifically for public speaking and persuasion.
If my work about online and offline communication is about anything, it’s about taking your life and your attractiveness to new levels. If you’ve read my book on online dating — now revised and improved as Deep Attraction Online, then you already know that I counsel that you communicate how you SERVE others in your profile, through your family, your work, your vision of life. Because that, believe it or not, is who you really are — it is your heroic core, even if you might think that how you help people isn’t that important.
About midway through John’s book, he details four specific types of people, and what it is they “serve.” I want to share it with you because I think it might help you articulate how YOU serve the world (although you don’t think of it that way, yet).
As you read this list below, think hard about your life. Chances are you embody one of these types more than the others. In this is a clue to what women may find admirable about you — and a clue to the type of woman who you would easily connect with. The four categories of Service are:
1. Purpose
2. Profit
3. People
4. Planet
Let me put this into language that might reflect what’s in your head, and could shine through your online profile. Think how you can take the spirit of each of these “types: and translate it into how you communicate yourself, both online and offline:
PURPOSE — “I am all about principles. I know right from wrong and I’ll die defending what I know to be right and good. I am a bottom line person who believes that we are not here to indulge ourselves, but to build something good, right and strong. If that means self-sacrifice, fine with me. I’m not about me. I’m a soldier for the good.” (Archetype: The keeper of order, the strong king, the protector)
PROFIT — “I believe in individual expression and I am the kind of guy who is going to get out there and create what I want. There is nothing more glorious than a person picking himself up by his bootstraps and shaping the world around his will. If people were honest, everyone would go for what he wants, but I understand that others are scared or weak or just can’t muster up ambition. I am on a journey and what I value in a woman is someone who “gets” that I’m here to make my mark in the world and will be by my side as I do so.
(Archetype: The self-made man, the entrepreneur, the business leader)
PEOPLE — “I am an evolved and evolving man, who has no interest in the winner-take-all approach to life. I know that success is win-win, and that every person deserves respect and to be heard. I don’t make decisions rashly. I listen. I try to understand what the other is saying, and I am happiest when helping to bring people into alignment and progress. I love women who are compassionate and spiritual, who have a great love not only for their men, but for humanity as a whole.”
(Archetype: the wise man, the fair king)
PLANET — “This planet is in peril and the systems that are running things are poisoning our food, weakening our bodies and setting neighbor against neighbor. The old ways of doing things must end and I consider myself a spiritual warrior for the evolution of the species and as a defender of the health of the planet.”
(Archetype: the visionary, wizard archetype, the protector not only of family and town but of all beings)
Do any of these resonate with you? Or do you embody other archetypes that you believe women find admirable? (If you have others, write me at Adam@deepattractiononline and I’ll share them with the community.)
Note that these “types” move fom the more traditionally masculine to a more “new masculine.” Try not to judge the ones that you are not. They are all valid and all have admirable qualities — and each will resonate with a different category of woman. Namely, the category that is best suited for your — and her — happiness. So, here’s your assignment, today…
1. Own Your Virtue: If you ever apologize for who you are — don’t. Not everyone has the same values, and what you really want is a woman who admires you for your category of values.
2. See women who already admire your kind of masculine service. It’s easier to connect and you are more likely to create a happy partnership
3. Online Profile - work what makes you admirable into your profile. If you’re unsure how to do that, write me. I am considering running a marathon telephone workshop one day soon to help guys who want to learn how to do that. But only if there are enough guys who express interest. Meanwhile, be sure to make DeepAttractionOnline.com work for you — think beyond mere attraction. Communicate what makes you admirable as a man.
I will be including John Marshall Roberts in my monthly training program at www.TheCompleteAttractor… where we focus on how to INSPIRE a woman (by living an inspired life). We do this so that you can inspire the best kind of woman to love you.
Because when it comes to intimacy, it doesn’t get better — or more inspirational — than that.
There is nothing more invigorating than the love and support of a great woman. Aim high.
And live the life you dream of…
Yeah. I can really relate to this. My last relationship was with someone who made me feel like apologizing for who I am… and how I behaved… when she was at home sick and I wanted to go play ping pong. I realize that she is an amazing girl but in all seriousness… I can’t be with someone who has so many problems with who I am at the core. This article inspired me not to apologize for who I am. Great stuff. Thanks.
Between relationships — extended, committed, meaningful relationships — I sink in to self, examine purpose, get clarity on what holds attention, what motivates, what inspires ME.
Through withdrawing to the cave, gazing upon my wall cast shadow and feeling, re-knowing who I am, what I want, a gestation occurs of what I have been into what I become.
Upon emerging I am, through my own inspiration, that which is inspirational.
My husband inspires devotion from me. After 17 years of being together (married going on 16 now) I am more besotted with him than ever.
Sure, I am in awe of his intelligence, kindness and beauty. But selfishly, I can’t get enough of him because he knows exactly the kinds of things I need most in my relationship with him.
He knows I value security above all else, but that freedom is nearly as important. He takes care of me but never holds me back.
He knows I feel loved when he does little things for me, like making me a delicious latte every single morning or rubbing just the right little spots on my for as long as I want.
He’s “figured me out” and “dialed me in” by understanding what my highest needs are, and then he gets up everyday and gives attention to those priorities.
Of course, I do the same right back at him! Can you imagine the love spiral that occurs?
Any man can have a totally besotted, absolutely devoted woman completely in love with him. Every man should, can and must.
Susan - you b a lucky girl. I know Tim, and he is immensely thoughtful and considerate and he’s got the big brain enough to evoke your happiness. You guys remain an inspiration to everyone who knows you — and all who worry that long marriages can get boring and uninspirational. Someday you should write a book on how you guys made the decision to make your marriage sing just at the point where most couples give up!
This is sooooo great for men to think about - thanks for encouraging them to realize that women are SO HOT for a man connected to some kind of MEANING for himself! I can’t tell you how many women complain to me about men who they meet and initially like, but are REPELLED by quickly when they see that the man isn’t living in any way with a purpose. A man on a mission is soooooo great to be around - even if it’s a mission that isn’t necessarily the same kind as a woman’s. Just doing “your thing” - whatever that is - and knowing what feeds you - and then, like Susan said, figuring out what feeds the woman you are with is the TOTAL one-two punch that will keep your life amazing FOREVER. Well said, Adam!
I am so grateful to read this now, rather than a few years ago! I finally got IT recently, having spent many relationships off-track, unfocused, and without true purpose. It messed up every one of them, and I lost some great women, just as Carol wrote about. They were repelled by my lack of purpose and direction.
The past couple of years have changed me, for the good. I have finally given up the illusions that I held and have revealed to my own self who I am, and what I am about. And more importantly, I clearly know what I am expressing into the world (which I always was in one way or another unconsciously).
So, I now stand in true alignment with my truth, authentically and clearly growing my work in the world, writing my first book, presenting workshops and seminars that lift and inspire others.
I know any relationship I embrace now will serve and support my purpose, and I will not enter a relationship that doesn’t. I used to look outside myself, to my partner for direction, for purpose, for inspiration. What a weight to dump on a woman. No more. I respect the Goddess too much to do that again. And I respect my Warrior too much to give over my power and direction.
I stand strong, even when the going gets tough, as I know what I am about, what I am here to do, and I embrace the gifts that Spirit keeps bestowing on me to support my work. I love my life, and I love what my life brings to the world. I am inspired and I inspire others! For reference, the archetype that resonates most with me is the wise man, the fair king. I am for the PEOPLE.
Thank you Adam for speaking what is truth, and giving us this forum. Glad to know you, brother.