Life Perspective -- Flying into LA, March 2011

You are not your past.

I know you heard it, but do you really live it?

Below I’m going to give you FIVE resources to help you really get it, to make it part of your life, your mindset, your habits, every day.

We’re funny creatures, you and I — we can hear the truth about things like this, but not really integrate the truth of it.

“Yeah, yeah, sure,” you say, until you allow an insecurity to UTTERLY DESTROY A NEW RELATIONSHP because you subconsciously still believe you are (a) inadequate (b) unmanly /unwomanly (c) unattractive (d) incapable of keeping a relationship because of a past breakup or divorce (e) fill in the blank with whatever story you have about your past.

When you unwittingly clobber a relationship enough times, you start letting go
of the old stories.

When I work with men at my Coaching Intensives, we begin with a long session during which we release old ideas that do not serve.

Only then can you make room for powerful, positive self-talk that will allow in love, and allow you to cultivate it consciously (instead of torpedoing it subconsciously).

Here are five resources I like that will help you release the stranglehold of the
past so you can begin to live the present and the future openheartedly, boldly — and cleanly.

1. The Buddha

Yup, the fat man himself.

The guy who said, “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” You create suffering by worrying, by bringing the pained past and anxiety about the future into the present.

I can’t give you a whole treatise on Buddhism here, but I highly recommend the books of Jack Kornfield, Pema Chedron and Sylvia Boorstien, for a start. I have
studied with Jack, and find the depth of his wisdom as well as his humor awe-inspiring.

I also recommend Vipassana Meditation — it’s stripped down, no b.s. meditation practice — where you just breathe and watch the carnival monkey show of your thoughts parade through your head and you just let each one go, one after another.

Because that’s all thoughts are…. a monkey show. They are not as real as this moment which you are free to create any way you choose.

Remember the words of one of my heroes, Mark Twain: “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”

***

2. “Loving What Is” a book by Byron Katie

Elegant, to the point and PRACTICAL! She calls this 4-step path to happiness “the great undoing.” Here’s the scoop: “you are either attaching to your thoughts or inquiring. There is no other choice.”

If ACILife360 (Attract-Connect-Inspire) is about ANYTHING, it is about STAYING in the inquiry as you consistently move forward into being a more powerful, thoughtful, attractive and admirable man (um, yes, that women find unusually intriguing and irrestible – that’s the bonus.)

***

3. The Sedona Method

A VERY effective book/program/workshop to help you release the things that “appear to be in the way.” Google it, read the book, attend their program. If you order the book, pay special attention to Chapter 17: Relationship Magic.

***

4. Landmark Forum

Okay, okay, I know it’s culty. I know they ask you to show your commitment to your own power by getting your friends to attend. But past all that, there are great and POWERFUL exercises that help you bust out of the mindgames you’ve created to keep you safe instead of HAPPY.

***

5. The Way of the Peaceful Warrior

Kind of a handbook of buddhist principles, and a quirky movie with Nick Nolte (“Peaceful Warrior”). I read it years ago, bought the picture book for my sons when they were small, and watched the movie the other night. It’s on Netflix instant watch. It will make you reflect on all the b.s. you put into your life. And it has seriously changed lives. Watch it.

***

6. Ayahuasca

But that’s a story for another day. Utterly changed my life. Amazing what sitting in the Amazon jungle with a Peruvian shaman can do for you with a little help
from medicine plants. If you ask below, I’ll detail my experience how I was liberated from my thoughts forever.

***

There’s your start. There’s a lot of wisdom there. Your time to dive in.

If you have experience with or comments on any of these 6 tools or resources, please add your wisdom below in the COMMENTS section below.

If you know of OTHER resources, please add those below in the comments section.

Before it’s too late…

Release the past.

Release the future.

Live clean of false and limiting stories in your head.

They aren’t true anyway. They are always a partial snapshot of a partial interpretation of a partial understanding of a partially felt experience.

Stories aren’t real. Only this moment is real.

Which means you can make of it whatever you choose.

If you put in the effort.

Don’t fall asleep.

Move on this.

Your friend always,

Adam

If you are interested in the connection between emotional storytelling, film writing, and good connecting copywriting for things like salespages for internet marketing — have a listen.

http://www.utterz.com/all/t-Adam%20Gilad

And Mr. Zand…. thanks

How To Connect Emotionally With Copywriting

!

So here I am with the publisher of of my podcast, The Fearless Lover, Susan and Tim Bratton of Personal Life Media, sitting in the hallway, talking to my beloved about my 17 year old and breaking trust and gaining trust and guiding him into the manhood as a man of integrity.

Integrity. Unlike television, with its shameful “news” divisions, false dramas and lost little white girls, and unlike television with its bloviating gasbags like Rush and Hannity — the new world of social media demands integrity. You will be outed if you are a liar. Character counts. Its a virtual community, yes, but the people are REAL.

And no matter what you’re posting or twittering or digging, it goes back to the oft-ignored slogan of the Hard Rock Hotel out my window here — “Love All. Serve All.”

And I am on the phone in a cavernous hall in Vegas – of all places – talking integrity…

What happens when my son promises no drinking at the house or on the property up in lovely Topanga while I’m away — and it happens? Even though just a little.

I publish The Fearless Lover to explore the spiritual roots of enduring love. I am about to heave all my dating advice books and audio series — The Right Man Online, Erotic Mastery, Tantric 101, The Complete Attractor, etc — over to a new heading: The Fearless Dater.

What is a Fearless Dater? It means bringing your whole self forward fearlessly and openly so that you can encounter another person as a whole and open being (I tell women, either convey that you are a whole woman, or guys’ll just treat you like a woman with a hole.)

And yet here I am, sitting on the carpet, cycling through a thousand thoughts on how to be the best parent I can be at the moment. How much discipline? How much consequence?

What my son will get is real consequences — loss of a trip he wants very much. But he will also get a vision of himself as a man of integrity — what I know, as is father, is his greatness, his offering, his gift to the world. It may take a few years…

But I want him to grow into a Fearless Lover. Not only of an intimate partner, but of truth, service, depth.

Discipline with one hand. Love and Vision with the other.

Any thoughts from you on that, oh parents or children of parents out there?

I am just packing up in Boston. I spoke at the Affiliate Summit on how to create a story, how to create a human element, and how to use the work of Joseph Campbell to tap into people’s emotional core in order to communicate how your product or service might help them alleviate pain in their lives.

In other words – using all the skills of a screenwriter to help marketers communicate in a human rather than in a b.s. or salesy way.

It was gratifying and folks wuz grateful — people get so lost in the minutia of their tech boundaries and internal marketing matrixes — they forget that we are all just people talking to people.

And that we all share the same slopes into grief and sadness, and gaze up at the same winding pathways to love, connection, meaning, legacy and hope.

I loved all the twittering and the tweets, though I wonder where all that is going. People seem giddy with this new toy.

Also touching — the enthusiasm of the new gen of social media freaks! Maria Thurrell, the fireball behind Media Awaken, social media Pr firm for non profits and other value-positive enterprises brings amazing intelligence and heart to this world. And Chrissie Brodigan - another nebula of heart and intelligence -
of BasketCase Media — a Social Media Product Strategist.

And Mr. Dave Evans – we have fun and profits in our future.

Special thanks to the amazing Lisa Riolo for making this all possible for me. Some people are just so innately good and thoughtful, you wonder how the world got into this state.

Here’s what I said — and where these two worlds meet:

“Treat your intimate partner like your best customer. Exceed her expectations and give awe-inspiring value at every turn — (which will help you maximize your return on investment).”

Mercenary? Or spiritually deep?

Or both?

What the hell do you write when you are a screenwriter and producer, an attraction and relationship and spiritual growth writer, an event producer and on top of everything else, honored with the job of helping writer and author, David Deida, build an internet platform so people can experience his work more fully?

I never define myself by job or title.

I define myself by passion. By motivation.

I was thinking: Gilad Creative Media: Create. Inspire. Prosper.

Then I just saw Peter Shankman‘s logo: CEO. Entrepreneur. Adventurist.

I liked that better. It took it the game out of commerce on that last word.

I may borrow it for myself on my next card!

One of my favorite quotes is from George Bernard Shaw:

“I want to be thoroughly used up when I…

die, for the harder I work, the more I live.
Life is no brief candle for me. It is a sort of
splendid torch which I have got hold of
for a moment, and I want to make it burn as
brightly as possible before handing it on to
future generations.” -George Bernard Shaw

I almost named my compay for that: Splendid Torch, Inc – but it sounds like a gay superhero.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

If you could put three words on your Life Card: not your “business card” — what would it be?

Cuz then you’d have to live it!

Ok, time to flame….

I mean, go…

One of the last places you’d ever expect to find a spiritual awakening is in an Adam Sandler movie. However, there is a big one at the end of 50 First Dates when Drew Barrymore — who has no short term memory (always a good thing) — wakes up and sees flowers and photos…

The photos slowly tell her the story of her romance, then marriage to Sandler – and then she sees she has children with him. It is all news to her!

The look of amazement and gratitude that washes over her perky-nosed face is absolutely inspiring.

It is the look we should all have every day as we realize whatever boons we have in our life – health, abundance, and most of all — love…

Ezra Pound said famously that poetry is news that stays news.

Its ability to astonish and awaken does not fade with time or re-encountering.

So it should be for love.

Love is news that stays news.

If you’ve had a baby – you know it. Every time you see his or her face, you fall in love all over again.

What about your intimate lover?

Here’s a thought…

Make your life a life of love’s poetry.

Live so that that the news of your intimate love stays news.

See it anew. Feel it anew. Express it to your lover – as if for the first time, every single day.

Be astonished.

Marry your lover daily.

That is the only marriage worth committing to.

It's okay to be amazed