Listen closely..
Life Perspective -- Flying into LA, March 2011
You are not your past.
I know you heard it, but do you really live it?
Below I’m going to give you FIVE resources to help you really get it, to make it part of your life, your mindset, your habits, every day.
We’re funny creatures, you and I — we can hear the truth about things like this, but not really integrate the truth of it.
“Yeah, yeah, sure,” you say, until you allow an insecurity to UTTERLY DESTROY A NEW RELATIONSHP because you subconsciously still believe you are (a) inadequate (b) unmanly /unwomanly (c) unattractive (d) incapable of keeping a relationship because of a past breakup or divorce (e) fill in the blank with whatever story you have about your past.
When you unwittingly clobber a relationship enough times, you start letting go
of the old stories.
When I work with men at my Coaching Intensives, we begin with a long session during which we release old ideas that do not serve.
Only then can you make room for powerful, positive self-talk that will allow in love, and allow you to cultivate it consciously (instead of torpedoing it subconsciously).
Here are five resources I like that will help you release the stranglehold of the
past so you can begin to live the present and the future openheartedly, boldly — and cleanly.
1. The Buddha
Yup, the fat man himself.
The guy who said, “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” You create suffering by worrying, by bringing the pained past and anxiety about the future into the present.
I can’t give you a whole treatise on Buddhism here, but I highly recommend the books of Jack Kornfield, Pema Chedron and Sylvia Boorstien, for a start. I have
studied with Jack, and find the depth of his wisdom as well as his humor awe-inspiring.
I also recommend Vipassana Meditation — it’s stripped down, no b.s. meditation practice — where you just breathe and watch the carnival monkey show of your thoughts parade through your head and you just let each one go, one after another.
Because that’s all thoughts are…. a monkey show. They are not as real as this moment which you are free to create any way you choose.
Remember the words of one of my heroes, Mark Twain: “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”
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2. “Loving What Is” a book by Byron Katie
Elegant, to the point and PRACTICAL! She calls this 4-step path to happiness “the great undoing.” Here’s the scoop: “you are either attaching to your thoughts or inquiring. There is no other choice.”
If ACILife360 (Attract-Connect-Inspire) is about ANYTHING, it is about STAYING in the inquiry as you consistently move forward into being a more powerful, thoughtful, attractive and admirable man (um, yes, that women find unusually intriguing and irrestible – that’s the bonus.)
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3. The Sedona Method
A VERY effective book/program/workshop to help you release the things that “appear to be in the way.” Google it, read the book, attend their program. If you order the book, pay special attention to Chapter 17: Relationship Magic.
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4. Landmark Forum
Okay, okay, I know it’s culty. I know they ask you to show your commitment to your own power by getting your friends to attend. But past all that, there are great and POWERFUL exercises that help you bust out of the mindgames you’ve created to keep you safe instead of HAPPY.
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5. The Way of the Peaceful Warrior
Kind of a handbook of buddhist principles, and a quirky movie with Nick Nolte (“Peaceful Warrior”). I read it years ago, bought the picture book for my sons when they were small, and watched the movie the other night. It’s on Netflix instant watch. It will make you reflect on all the b.s. you put into your life. And it has seriously changed lives. Watch it.
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6. Ayahuasca
But that’s a story for another day. Utterly changed my life. Amazing what sitting in the Amazon jungle with a Peruvian shaman can do for you with a little help
from medicine plants. If you ask below, I’ll detail my experience how I was liberated from my thoughts forever.
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There’s your start. There’s a lot of wisdom there. Your time to dive in.
If you have experience with or comments on any of these 6 tools or resources, please add your wisdom below in the COMMENTS section below.
If you know of OTHER resources, please add those below in the comments section.
Before it’s too late…
Release the past.
Release the future.
Live clean of false and limiting stories in your head.
They aren’t true anyway. They are always a partial snapshot of a partial interpretation of a partial understanding of a partially felt experience.
Stories aren’t real. Only this moment is real.
Which means you can make of it whatever you choose.
If you put in the effort.
Don’t fall asleep.
Move on this.
Your friend always,
Adam
